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Notes of a Rebel Subbie

March 13, 2012


Domme Dose is proud to welcome back the acclaimed Irv O. Neil as he checks in with his weekly piece. Irv has quite a resume and will be doing this EXCLUSIVE column for us every week.   Be sure to click all his links at the end of the piece!















by Irv O. Neil

This week:


Everywhere we turn in our society, there are images of beautiful, cruel women. I wrote about a “femme fatale mannequin” on my blog last week, and got a good spike in traffic as people out in the great Interwebz wanted to see the photo I’d posted of an evil-looking mannequin. You can see it by going to my blog here:


Oh, these evil mannequins are all over the place here in New York. Here’s a new picture I took over the weekend of another one, maybe just a mite less evil:

Our society loves images of beautiful, cruel, heartless women. It’s one way we express our submissive and pagan impulses, among other things. In ancient Greece, goddesses like Hera, Athena, and Artemis (aka the Roman Diana) all had their attractively cruel sides, and there were lots of statues to them.

Anybody want to pay tribute to a mannequin? I can imagine a story about that: one day the storekeeper goes to open her or his women’s wear shop, and there in the front of the window is a gift card for the mannequin!

In real life, of course, tributes can be quite costly.

Femdom is a kind of interactive theater–as is all sex, I suppose, if you want to extend the analogy. But femdom with its tributes or its session prices can be expensive like a Broadway theater ticket for a hot show, compared to the relative Netflix prices of vanilla sex. I’m obviously talking about the various forms of pay-for-play, not encounters within an intimate relationship.

I was reading a femdom story online the other day, a very involved one with all sorts of costumes and implements and locations, not to mention a brilliant dominatrix complete with British accent and something like an Oxford education which added to her aura of command; and I was thinking, “To have a scene like this in real time would probably cost a couple of thousand dollars, maybe more.”

Reading a story about it, however, was free; it was one of the zillions of pieces of free but perfectly competent and sometimes extraordinary amateur fiction online, stories that have essentially destroyed the market for professional erotic fiction writers who actually used to make decent amounts of money for each of their magazine pieces.

Oh, I suppose you could have a complex scene, like the one I read about, in an intimate relationship too; but then you would have to BE in a relationship. That’s a cost not everybody can afford, for reasons varying according to the person.

So once again it occurred to me how this whole findom slave thing is full of irony. A real slave, a slave in the classic sense of the word, wouldn’t have to pay for anything; he couldn’t, because he wouldn’t have any money of his own! The mistress would be wholly in charge. But in the fantasy world of findom, the slave pays, which in effect makes him the engine of the relationship, because without his bucks, there IS no relationship…judging by what most of the dommes say, which can be summed up in the classic phrase: “No money, no honey.”

So to afford something really special or elaborate, it seems to me that many a slave must be a master in his “other” life. Mastering his bank account, making plenty of dough.

Imagine a classified ad: “SLAVES WANTED! ONLY TYCOONS NEED APPLY!”

So the “loser” must be a “winner” too, or at least have access to a lot of dough. Because if a slave is not on top of things financially, and is spending the kind of money necessary to enjoy complex scenarios, then he is headed for a real kind of degradation and will end up on the bottom of society, in the position that actual slaves have traditionally held.

So I guess in a way a slave playing games beyond his means is actually a slave-to-be; because the real slavery will start when he is left alone in his newly-acquired poverty, abandoned by his ex-domme as she goes on to other conquests. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t get the impression the dommes hang around once the wallet is fully raped. Aren’t these, after all, largely commercial transactions? That’s what a lot of dommes imply.

Maybe that’s what some slaves want, this kind of abject conclusion. I can see its appeal–oh yes, indeed I can; the “heroes” (ha!) and protagonists of my stories often long for such an oblivion. I’m not sure why; and believe me, I spent a few years in therapy trying to figure out why.

Or read a story called “The Tattooer” in a book called Seven Japanese Tales by Junichiro Tanizaki. It’s a classic about a tattoo artist who inks a spider on a woman’s back and invites his own destruction. There is something oddly compelling about this kind of descent into submission; it is interesting, dramatic; the opposite of the mundane, and full of grandeur in its absolute abasement.

But maybe because I’m older now, and have spent too much money over the years on my temptations and was left with too little, I find that such daydreams work better for me on the page of a story, or occasionally in the monologues of a clip. Much safer. Every word in a story or clip, in fact, is a “safe word,” helping me through a good load to calm down and keep my distance from the voluptuously alluring abyss.

I got some of my penchant for melodrama from reading the works of Poe. In fact, one of the first BDSM images I saw were these posters for the cinematic Poe adaptation The Pit and the Pendulum. I saw this movie in the theater when was nine years old:

Which poster do you prefer? The one where the evil lady is seen from below, or above? I like the one where she is seen from below.

Anyway, if you’d like to see what my “heroes” and protagonists face, check out my ebooks on Kindle. I have four available: LEARNING TO BE CRUEL, TOES ARE FOR SUCKING, SPELL OF DOMINANCE, and SHE MADE ME A CUCKOLD ON BLACK FRIDAY. Buy one. Buy two. Buy three. Buy all! They are arousing, well-written, and entertaining. You could even discuss them in a book club meeting.

Unless, of course, you are one of those people in our current society who seem to believe that fiction should be free. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the second most popular post on my blog is the entry where I give the readers a complete free short story entitled “Department Store Domina.” (I did this to promote my ebooks.) Yes, I have the distinct impression that because of all the free fiction on the Internet over the last decade, people now seem to think fiction (unless written by King, Grisham, Patterson, or Rowling), should be free, like the air we breathe.

Not that I don’t read my share of free fiction, but I also buy a good deal of it too.

And if you too still buy fiction, you can find mine here:

Amazon U.S.:


Amazon UK:


Amazon Germany:


Amazon France:


Amazon Italy:


Amazon Spain:


All the editions are in English. You don’t need a Kindle; you can get a free Kindle application for your computer and read them right on the screen.

I guess I write not just to communicate, and make a little money, but to keep the abyss at bay…

I sure was in some somber mood, writing this. But I’ve always been a rather moody guy…

So until next time…I remain…

Ye endlessly scribbling scribe,

Uncle Irv

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  • avatar WR says:

    Great piece as always irv! Ah yes “The Pit and the Pendulum” one of my all time Poe favorites. That brings back so many memories.

    • avatar Irv O. Neil says:

      Yeah, that poster really had an effect on me. I used to draw my own versions of it on arithmetic paper, with the guy straining against his bonds, his shirt torn. Unfortunately I couldn’t draw girls very well (or at least up to my already ridiculous standards of artistic quality even at 9 yrs old!!) so I mostly concentrated on the guy trapped in the pit. I guess I identified with him, even back in 1961…

  • avatar r says:

    Quite the topic, Irv.

    Serving a woman on-line has built in limitations. I think it’s pretty well known that an on-line “slave” is a guy committed to one woman and giving her what he can.

    A Domme, being a Domme, enjoys the control of draining her boys. She is also a person in the world, and enjoys watching her bank account grow. The more money she has, the more control over her life, the more independence, the less wasted time. So there’s a double control buzz going on there.

    Financial Domination in itself is draining a boy, often including humiliating terms and some sort of coercion. I’ve tried serving a woman just paying her a set amount each week or month, and it doesn’t work out. Because there is no thrill of the hunt for her, there is no seeing how far she can push a guy, to really hit the jackpot. Someone once termed this “the pain of familiarity”; when a boy is finally conquered, he’s just not as much fun and a Domme pays more attention to her next prey and seeing how far she can push him and see what he’s made of.

    The longer a boy serves, the more upward pressure on his draining; more money amps it up for the Domme, and makes things edgier for him. So yes, a guy with means will be more attractive and more fun, all things being equal. I realize all things are rarely equal, but here we are. Life isn’t fair, submission isn’t fair, and serving isn’t fair.

    From a business point of view, a woman has a better model having a lot of subs that pay a little, rather than a few that pay a lot. But I think the dynamics of keeping guys that trib a little are difficult to sustain. She may not be able to afford to spend an adequate amount of time with them to keep them on the right course. At some point she’ll translate time to money and then a guy may be out of luck. So, rather than look at this as “work”, many Dommes just go for the jing and the guy is just part of her master plan. Just a cog.

    my .02

  • avatar Irv O. Neil says:

    Great comment, r, thanks. I just learned a lot from your insights and descriptions, especially how you laid out the dynamics of the “double buzz control.” I can understand how the “set amount” thing could become “painfully familiar,”–yet I can also see how if the set amount is a strain for the slave, it could be viable for him as a form of service and tribute–if not for the domme, who could become bored and restless for new and greater financial conquests.

    Life indeed is not fair, and certainly a person submitting to a domme is the last person who should expect such fairness! It would be a contradiction in terms of the experience.

    Still, I guess being aware of how I fit into anybody’s “master plan” is a turn-off to me. I guess I’m an old school “trick”–I don’t really want to hear about the domme’s other minions or how great her lifestyle is. I’m a guy who likes dungeons or independents, and peep show girls, and dominantly inclined lapdancers, and has his fantasy fun, does his roleplays, and tries not to think about how much they’re raking in. But the Web has changed all this, and now we can be very much conscious not only of our submission, but of the social stratification we are submitting to: i.e., a slave may not go on a vacation for years, but he can see pictures of his domme online as she enjoys the blue sky and shimmering waters of some exotic locale…

Contact WR@DommeDose.com